is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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