You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Randomize
