Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
this is an emotional support booty call
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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