I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
