I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
