I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
