Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I need to align my fucking chakras
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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