how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
