we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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