She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
