Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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