First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize