Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
