just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
