well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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