Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize