Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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