Buhtt sex?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
