Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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