wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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