dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
