Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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