Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
