and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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