Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
