I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
