p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
