new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
