There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
