She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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