I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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