drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
