This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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