Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize