She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
