Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
