i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
