Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
