I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
