I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
