ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize