It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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