I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
