Slut skills are useful in every country.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
they're like a gay fantastic four
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
