his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
