I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
