I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Let's get the cat blown out
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize