what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
