I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
