Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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