Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
