Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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