i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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