You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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