you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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