She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize