How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize