I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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