I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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