I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize