My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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