i need an iv and a liver transplant
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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