After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
