i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
