you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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