made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he fucked my hip out of place.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
