I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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