I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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