The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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