My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
