Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
