that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize