I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize