grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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