I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize