i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
