Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
