There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
