I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
