Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What a dumb baby whore.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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