There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
