Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
