it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
