Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
