dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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