u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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