there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
