I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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