I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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