They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
