I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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