nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
