I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
