I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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