guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
