I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
