I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
