I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So squirting runs in the family.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
