I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
