I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
