you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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