You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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