Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
