The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
