yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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