I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
