Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
