How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
