i was rollin on her like bob the builder
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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