Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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