dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
