We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
