first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
