Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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