saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize