my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
